Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
