Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
