this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
