You're a womanizer and a bitch.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
