We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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