do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
