so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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