she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
