Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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