i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
