Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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