Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
