Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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