I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
