Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
