its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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