im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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