ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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