he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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