I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
