I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
