do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
