I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
