Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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