Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
