so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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