Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
