i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
