yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
