Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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