I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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