Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
