I cannot find my penis.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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