dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
