only you would photoshop your dick
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
