i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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