Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
