You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
