Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
