I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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