drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
