Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
