If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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