Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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