were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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