Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
