i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
