Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
