Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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