his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
